Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough To Protect It by Jerry B. Jenkins

This is a very practical book that sheds insight on how to protect your marriage before trouble arises. The content of this book not only applies to the married but is also useful information for singles to apply to their relationships before marriage as well. The following are notes taken as I read the book. This is information shared by Jerry B. Jenkins and not my own original content.

Introduction

“No trespassing” should be the sign on every man and woman’s heart when it comes to the relationship God has given him or her to protect, honor, and cherish.

Psalm 89:40 implies that strongholds are brought to ruin when hedges are broken down. Job 1:10 implies that Job was so richly blessed – before God allowed him to be tested – because God had made a hedge “around him, around his household, and around all that he had on every side.”

Jesus told parables about landowners who planted vineyards and protected them with hedges. When those hedges wer trampled or removed, ruin came to the precious possessions of those landowners.

People are much more precious than land or holdings. If we can keep from deceiving ourselves about our own resolve and inner strength, we will see the need for healthy hedges that keep love in and infidelity out.

Part I: The Need For Hedges

No one thinks he needs hedges until it’s too late.

What are we to do when temptation rages? If we are weak and have not taken precautions, if we have not applied preventive medicine, we have already failed. The only answer is to plan, to anticipate danger, to plot the escape. The time to plant hedges is before the enemy attacks.

The Biblical Basis for Hedges:

• Leviticus 20:10 Adulterers are put to death.
• Matthew 5:27-28 Lust is adultery
• 1 Corinthians 10:13 People usually apply this verse too late.
• 2 Timothy 2:22 We are not to attack lust; we are to flee. This is the escape that comes with the temptation of lust.
• Psalm 89:40 implies that strongholds are brought to ruin when hedges are broken down.
• Job 1:10 implies that Job was so richly blessed – before God allowed him to be tested – because God had “made a hedge around him, around his household, and around all that he had on every side.”
• Jesus told parables about landowners who planted vineyards and protected them with hedges. When those hedges were trampled or removed, ruin came to the precious possessions of the landowners.

Part II: How to Start Planting

Here are pragmatic ways to guard ourselves against our weaknesses. We can plant hedges only after we have determined where they must grow.

Jerry’s Hedges:

Hedge No. 1:

Whenever I need to meet or dine or travel with an unrelated woman, I make it a threesome. Should an unavoidable last-minute complication make this impossible, my wife hears it from me first.

Hedge No. 2

I am careful about touching. While I might shake hands or squeeze an arm or a shoulder in greeting, I embrace only dear friends or relatives, and only in front of others.

Hedge No. 3

If I pay a compliment, it is on clothes or hairstyle, not on the person herself. Commenting on a pretty outfit is much different, in my opinion, than telling a woman that she herself looks pretty.

Hedge No. 4

I avoid flirtation or suggestive conversation, even in jest.

Hedge No. 5

I remind my wife often – in writing and orally – that I remember my wedding vows: ‘Keeping you only unto me for as long as we both shall live.” She is not the jealous type, nor has she ever demanded such assurances. She does, however, appreciate my rules and my observance of them.

Hedge No. 6

From the time I got home from work until the children went to bed, I did no writing or office work. That gave me lots of time with the family and for my wife and me to continue to court and date.

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. One of the greatest fears of childhood is abandonment. One can only imagine the impact of a broken marriage on a child.

Part III: What Hedges Can Do For Your Family

Telling your story, speaking openly of the hedges in your marriage, protecting yourself and your family from insidious new sources of unacceptable media, and truly practicing the Golden Rule at home will give your spouse and your children a deep sense of love and security.